- This is a post from my personal blog that I am not shifting over to the Stories of My Life page here on Batavias Best Bargains.
I guess you could say ” My eyes have been opened, so I can see.” In October my dearest friend was murdered. I found out when my parents were here visiting…. And today I thank God that he had him here with me….
Shock is an interesting experience.
I got in a car accident with Eric on our way back to NY from NC and I was in a tiny room and next to me I remember seeing the poster that said SHOCK and than had some description that seemed to put me more in “shock” Because I was in shock I couldnt remember my birthday! Heres a quick funny bit to that story…
In that room I had to go to the bathroom. They said that I could not get up and leave. I was begging them to let me get up and use the bathroom. The nurse comes in and says “here you can pee in this bucket right here in the bed.”
MORTIFIED.. Seriously? I said to Eric I can’t pee in this thing have my legs spread out and just pee what if someone walks in on me? That was my biggest fear.. someone walking in and seeing my uhh area!
I had to pee soo bad. I gave in.
And a male doctor walks in… I wanted to pass right out.. and in fact.. I did!!
Shock with a sudden death of a friend… puts you in a weird daze. A state of mind you never knew exisited.
When my parents left I broke down. I could barely handle being without them and than losing Jonathan became difficult.
I have been up and down and all over with emotions since October.
It’s funny that I feel I hang out with Jonathan more now than we did in the last year… I can feel him with me on certain songs…certain situations.. and certain people that have come into my life.
And that helps….and some days it really hurts..
Missing people though… I have done that since we started moving around when I was 12. I have made so many friends and have moved away from so many friends. Friends come and go in my life and to me thats the way it is.
Longing to see someone again… so I really thought I could handle death better…
Its not comparable.
But it does motivate you to get even more exited about heaven.. I truly can not wait to die!
Dont get me wrong, Im going to enjoy every moment here I can.. and try to please God in every way.. But Im so excited to go to heaven..
My mom is going to come visit me again.. In some ways I wanted to tell her no wait.. give it a few more months. I just accepted that Jonathan is dead a few weeks ago.
Just like that one night doing the dishes it was just a sudden realization..and I surprisingly felt a lot better.
So feeling like I have a bit of a handle on those emotions now my emotions start with my mom coming. And it takes every ounce of strength I have to have her come and than go….
Always missing people….
I am full of tears just thinking about it.
Which gets me to my long about way of inspiration for you today…
Believing. Believing that God is who God says he is.
Have you ever stopped and thought about that? God is who he says he is. That my friend is powerful.
Here’s another powerful one for ya….
I am who God says I am.…
We are free and so very loved in him. He has a glorious fruitful life planned for you.
” I am God Almighty; walk before me and be blame less. I will confirm my covenant between me and you and will greatly increase your numbers.’ Gen. 17:1-2
” I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob.. I have indeed seen the misery of my people.. SO I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egytptians and to brign them up out of that land into a good and spacious land.” (Exod. 3:6-8)
God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.”
Have you ever been afraid to ask God for something? Pray to him about something where you fear the answer?
I have and am still working on it. But yet I still continue to pray about it. I am not fearing what the answer will be. I am trusting that God has an answer that will work far better than I can imagine.
Beth Moore said this, ” Faith is never the denial of reality. It is belief in a greater reality. In other words, truth may be that you are presently surrounded by terrifying or terribly discouraging circumstances.”
Our promised land is the place where Gods personalized promises over your life become a living reality rather than a theological theory.
Ephesians 1:18-20 says “I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.”
Ask God for something that you are scared of the answer to. He knew you before you were formed in your mothers womb. He has an incredible life planned out for you. You have to trust him and choose him. That’s the thing.
We get to choose which way we will go. Every day. And every day we get another chance to choose him.
There is a big difference between trying to manipulate God to give us what we want and cooperating with God so he can give us what he wants. Our goal is the latter.
So go ahead. Ask God what you have hesitations about. The one thing that consumes your thoughts but you think it can only go one way. Ask him. Talk to him. And than most importantly wait for him and listen!
We serve such an amazing God. There are little miracles all around us everyday God is performing. He loves you to much to just settle. He is always with us!
” For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
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