I forgot.
I kept my eyes closed. I couldn’t see.
I kept my ears closed. I couldn’t hear.
I closed my mind. I couldn’t know.
I didn’t want to serve. I wanted to be served.
I wanted everything. I couldn’t give anything more.
Motherhood is full of seasons.
Have you noticed?
Have you stopped to see what season you are in?
Two days ago I entered into “I got this season.” The season where you wake up happy. You just know that you got motherhood. You are confident in your answers. You are confident in your decisions. You are confident in the love that you create and that surrounds you day to day. You got this.
It’s the best season.
But like all seasons we can find things we enjoy and do not enjoy.
I just left the season of exhaustion. Overwhelmed. Full of selfish desires beat down season. Why am I a mother and wife season.
You know that one right?
This season changes a bit each time it comes around. I got through that season with some bumps and bruises to my soul but now it’s soaking in joy.
Something that couldn’t be found in my last season. JOY.
A new change to my lifestyle came. And with all change it takes time to adjust. But there’s something in motherhood where you feel you need to do it all. You must. Failure robs you of the life you were intended to live.
The worst part of reflecting back on that stormy season is this:
I- created –the- monster.
Me.
Not my kids.
Not my blogs.
Not my husband.
Not my circumstances.
Me.
Why?
I am human. With selfish desires. I want to do it all. And I want to do it all alone.
It’s like a cloud that overtakes you.
Keeps your eyes closed to the love that is just there waiting to be absorbed.
Where was my trust?
My ears were closed.
Every Sunday for about a month during worship I was overcome with emotion. Tears rising up over my eyes blurring my vision; forcing me to wipe away all that I was lacking.
Time with you.
That’s what it was.
My trust had borders.
What makes it so frustrating is when you know you are not embracing the season the way you were meant to.
The enemy has you and he is not letting go.
You shoot missiles to everyone around you because you can easily justify why they are keeping you in this season of destruction.
Being overwhelmed and exhausted does something to us. We become vulnerable in a world filled with darkness.
We lose focus.
And then it happens.
You leave the season.
It just stops.
You decide to embrace the season.
You dig deeper.
You do some soul searching.
And in it the one thing you needed, the only thing you ever need you find.
LOVE. Love from our savior.
Love from the one who first loved us. Who never stops.
You let go.
You let God.
And your Joy is found.
You got this.
You were made for this.
Seasons change. That’s the way life goes.
But how will you embrace it?
How will you look back on last season to prepare for what’s to come?
How will you continue to trust God when your circumstances become challenged?
And when you are in the season of I got this. Don’t let the enemy bring you down with guilt of actions or no action that was taken in the previous season.
Stand firm in your faith.
Stand firm in resting your soul in the Father’s arms.
Read his word, the word of other’s to draw you closer. To build your relationship with Him. To equip you for the attacks that are quickly coming.
You are the only you.
You are loved.
You were meant to live a joy filled life.
You were meant to enjoy your children even through the days of exhaustion.
You were meant for this.
Will you Trust Him to lead you?
Rachel @ Smart Mom Smart Ideas
Motherhood truly has many emotions and seasons. It’s helpful to know that every day will not be a challenging day and any struggles in these times will pass. But we also need to enjoy the moments we have too.
Tasia
That is the key to also enjoy the precious moments!
Tabitha
As someone who is planning to be a parent soon, these are great words of wisdom. You don’t always hear about the bad parts of parenthood; the times when you don’t feel good enough, or when you feel you can’t handle your child anymore.
I hear about the good stuff all the time, and that’s great. But hearing about all the seasons is what makes us more prepared.
Tasia
Thanks Tabitha! Parenthood is truly a beautiful journey but also brings on many painful growing pains! Congratulations and thank you for stopping by!
Penny
I’m a mother of a 28 yr old son and a 19 yr old son, I spent all my days nights and weekends all of my 241/2 hrs a day doing everything I could to make sure that they had everything, the best of , the same as, I was mostly a single mom for most of their days growing up, and their dad usually wasn’t in their life, so I was mom dad and grandma to them because my mom didn’t come around, my sisters never came around, I am the black sheep of the family , and by saying that I’m not just saying that I really mean that, and to this day I still don’ t have a relationship with those family members the way most people do. Wow this is really digging up alot of mess for me, but it seems to me at least to me I have worked so very hard to bring up my kids to at least respect me, be kind to me, to say I love you mom, you did your best mom, you had to do it all alone mom, I was at every school function, every baseball, football, basketball, game there was for 13 years that they were in school. Not one time did I ever hear from them, thanks, or at least you were there, I don’t care about the thanks part, but they literally hate me. dispise me. I just don’t get it. Well there are some parts to this I have left out, I had a drug problem, a bad one for a few years, I went to prison for 13 months, and I’m drug free now, and I’m doing good, but I will never be able to be good enough to them again, I wasn’t like that their whole lives just the past 10 years, which yes was a good portion of my younger sons life, but I never stopped being a mom, I was still a functioning mom, or I guess so I thought, as much as I thought I was I went to school things went to games still still took them places, still drove them and all their friends everywhere. But that is all forgotten. I divorced their dad because of drugs and alcohol, and when he came back in their life even though he is a very much an alcoholic, he is loved by both of them. I don’t get it.
I feel very let down, by everyone, I lost most of my friends, most all of my family members, no one ever came to my house even before they knew I did drugs, so why would they even think about coming now. I still get no calls, and no I don’t make them myself, I feel like they never attempted before, when I tried to even make it right, I’m not going out of my way now to make things better that I never broke to begin with.
I go to College now, I’m trying to better myself. I don’t know if I will be able to work, I have been out of work on disability since 2005 but I’m willing to see if I can try and work even a part time job.
I’m not even sure why I wrote all of this to someone right now I just happenened to click on this page, and saw this and I felt like I had to be here.
Thanks anyway for listening to my story
Have a good day.
Penny at [email protected]
Tasia
Penny,
Thank you for taking the time to share a bit of your life story with us. My heart breaks as a mother trying to do your best as we walk the path of life that has many obstacles in front of us. I can only pray for you and your journey and the healing between you and your children. Don’t lose hope because love will conquer all things and you will find healing in the process. Stay strong!
Gleici
Thank you so much for this article. I am a first mother of one energy draining baby. I needed to read hope. Thank you!
Tasia
I am so glad this article reached you! Praying for you. Know that the season will pass, and you will be better equipped when it comes around again! Motherhood is exhausting but there are such beautiful moments that we need to hold onto!
Susan Gaddis
Good words! And I enjoyed how you moved progressively from one thought to the next. And of course, the best part is that it’s all true! We are our own worst enemy. I’m so glad God is faithful!
Tasia
Thank you Susan! We serve an almighty God!
Shann Eva
Such a powerful post. I find myself in and out of those seasons too. Motherhood is hard, and brings many challenges .
Tasia
Glad you can relate as well !